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Tough Love and the Strength to Do It
Tough love and the strength to do it
can be hard. As a
parent or grandparent raising teens
today, it can be difficult to know when to hold on tightly and
when to let go and allow them to make their own mistakes.
Tough love has been a hot topic in the
media lately – the idea of loving your children, but allowing
them to make their mistakes and learn from them, without bailing
them out or saving them from the consequences. The idea behind
this is that saving your teenager from the consequences of his
or her actions only encourages further bad behavior in the
future.
Tough love is not a path for everyone.
It requires strength and determination on the part of the
caregiver – a commitment on the part of all parties involved
that the teen will have to deal with the consequences of their
behavior. That means that if he gets arrested, he may have to
spend a night in jail. If she gets pregnant, she’ll have to
learn how to be a mom and go to school at the same time. You
will have to stand by and watch as your child struggles to learn
new skills. It truly is a lesson from the school of hard knocks,
but for some individuals,
tough love is the only way to learn.
As a caregiver or
parent, you can provide advice, encouragement, and support while
loving your teen through their poor choices –
tough love is not about abandonment.
It is, however, about not giving in, and not bailing them out.
They have made their choices in life, and now they are dealing
with their actions.
Tough love is not an easy path for the
caregiver or the teen, and is often chosen as a last resort,
after many other possibilities have been tried and failed. You
must be strong, and stand your ground.
If your teen is
involved in drugs or alcohol, this path may be especially
difficult. You will have to refrain from giving them money, as
it may be used to buy drugs. Tough love is often harder on the
caregiver than it is on the child, as they are constantly put on
the spot. You will constantly be the “bad guy”, and have to
refuse your child’s demands.
Most importantly,
tough love is a learning experience.
After teens or young adults have failed to learn through
instruction, praise, reinforcement, or punishment while growing
up,
tough love allows them to learn from
the most difficult instructor – life itself. Allowing your
children or grandchildren to make their own choices and then
requiring them to stick with those choices will make them
strong, independent people. It will also test your strength,
patience, and endurance. They don’t call it “tough”
love for nothing! It’s emotionally
demanding, and incredibly difficult for all parties involved.
However, if this is the path you’ve chosen, stick with it! The
rewards will be well worth the investment, in the end.
Marcia Chumbley is a
work
at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She
is the owner of a
Christian Work From Home Moms
website
at
Faithful Grannies
http://www.faithfulgrannies.com
bringing generations of
Christian Work From Home Moms,
Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together
while providing resources, inspiration and affordable
advertising while balancing the work at home experience. She
holds a degree in Business and is a CMOM.
Article Source
CWAHGrandparents.com
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